back again

It has been exactly two weeks since my summer came to a close. Since I was, well, in total hysterics from saying a string of goodbyes to the faces that set the foreground for my summer. The faces that I love deeper than I ever thought I could love. These people challenged me more than anyone ever has, they knew me and allowed me to know them in such an intimate way that you would never expect to achieve in three months.

And now life is a little strange. Now I don't have a schedule to follow. I get to choose what I'm going to eat for every meal. I'm not immediately responsible to anyone but myself. Now is the time where what I learned this summer is tested. Do I only rely on the Lord when I must complete a difficult task set before me? This summer, that task was being a senior counselor to an incredible staff. A staff who never needed me but needed what the Lord was doing through me. Which, for the record, had nothing to do with myself. But it's no longer my official "job" to counsel these girls which made this daily reliance on the Lord necessary. I was hired, in a sense, to give my life away. And I don't think I'll ever love a job more. At the same time, the Lord reminded me that handing my every moment over to Him was something that He deserved. That my life is not my own. That even if I won't be confronted by a faithful superior for not being intentional with my time, that He has commanded me to lay this life down. To rely on Him to love my friends, roommates, family and boyfriend better. To act and talk and dress and eat and walk as He would. To speak truth to classmates (conviction!). To go work a fundraiser for summer missions instead of sleeping in.

That's what I want to do now. Live in this daily reliance. It's difficult for me. I've been Miss Independent for quite a while and have honestly found that I can do most things that I set my mind to. Why rely on anyone else? Dustin knows this well as he has had to chip away that thick, ugly, "I can do it myself" shell. With astounding patience, I might add. But the Lord knows it better. And I know He doesn't like it. So I'll eagerly try to keep up this pattern of reliance. Because He can do it better. Because it produces joy and avoids those frequent burn outs. Because I hope to be used by the Lord for something that is way beyond my capabilities. Because He deserves it.

I could continue too spill about everything that the Lord taught me this summer. I even brought my camp journal, setting it next to my computer in hopes that I could put all those lessons into a concise blog post. Which is funny because I wasn't even capable of putting some of them into words. My hope is that they will surface in random "life with God" moments. And that I will look back and remember that, whatever it is, the Lord taught me it in the middle of a heart-to-heart with a counselor, or while nestled into our director's couch during a leadership meeting, or while watching a group of high schoolers and their counselors sing praises to their Savior. And it will make the moment that much more special. Because the Lord used Pine Cove to transform my life over three incredible summers. Because Pine Cove is special to me. And always will be.

The plan is to be a more faithful blogger. To not have infrequent novels but to have much more frequent, shorter glimpses of day to day life. Because day to day life with Jesus is really cool. And sometimes hard. But always cool. I feel like this faithfulness is doable. Because, at some point in the last three months, I took on just enough "grown up-ness" to feel like I would rather devote the time I read through (mostly) pointless Facebook status updates to blogging. I also feel like I can keep my room in some semblance of order. Weird.

Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.
Deuteronomy 4:9 

 

so far

how i am supposed to fit the emotions, experiences and lessons of the last four weeks into one, concise blog post is beyond my understanding.

it has been quite the rollercoaster ride. i rollercoaster which i would ride over and over again because i know the Lord is gripping the controls. i'm [attempting] to quickly learn how to adapt to my new role. the last time i left pine cove, i walked as a counselor who knew the ropes of counseling. who had little-to-no correction on her staff evaluation. who had enough confidence in her role to be able to coast through an easier week. when i walked back into pine cove for the first time this year, i walked in rather clueless. the only thing i knew of senior counseling was the little we were told at leadership weekend and what understanding i gained from watching the s.c.'s for the last two years. lesson one - just because you've seen job done a certain way, doesn't mean it's necessarily the best way for you to do it. and there is much more going on behind the scenes that i never knew about. i am thankful for the trials and challenges that have come with this new job. i am thankful that coasting is not an option. that if i let my self coast for one second, i will crash and burn. so doubt about that.

i have fallen head over heels for each and every person on my leadership team. i never expected to love each of them so deeply as i do by week three. it's incredible the community you experience when you are all focused and fighting for a common goal. in random, sweet times that we are able to talk, they have spoken so much encouragement and truth into my life. i am learning the importance of telling people things you see in them that offer encouragement. not that they are pretty, or that their shirt is cute, that they always have something funny to say, or that you "just love them." but speaking genuine truth into them about things you see the Lord gifting them with and their potential to be used by Him for great things. i am always understanding the importance of correcting and shaping one another to look more like Jesus every day. we have adopted the idea that if one of us messes up, we all mess up. shouldn't that always be the way it is? i fought it as first which, of course, led me to realize how much i needed it. the differences in each of our personalities, counseling styles, sense of humors and giftings in unbelievable. what is even more unbelievable is how the Lord has meshed each of those into a beautiful team of His co-workers. and how quickly! i am more thankful than i can explain to you.

leading counselors who i have so much respect for is quite the intimidating job. i often feel clueless and wordless. but the Lord has provided great direction in those situtation. ironically, all of camp is that situation. which is why i would definitely crash and burn if it wasn't for the Lord carrying me through.

i am missing home, of course. missing my family - the parents [who blessed me by coming to camp today], my sister, brother and precious niece and my sweet grandparents. missing the baton rouge crew. missing doing day to day life with them and that established community in good ole br. missing my sisters - "abbyashleyandhannah." feeling very scattered from them because the Lord has placed us in four very different places for the summer with little communication options. including the other side of the planet. but i am praying passionately for the Lord to maintain that relationship when we feel like we can't. and missing that boy who has been an incredible encouragement the last few weeks by writing me every day, praying for camp and attempting to share [through snail mail] the good work the Lord is continuing in his life.

time is up. leaving this wonderfully janky dairy queen to go do laudry [a weekend staple] with one of my leadership sisters.

love from pine cove,
meagan / freezestyle
PC2010

I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call— one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ's gift. 
Ephesians 4:1-7

whirlwind

a bridal shower
a research paper
packing the apartment
my grandfather's funeral
finals
the beach
saying goodbye to the boy
packing for twelve weeks in one day

during the last couple of weeks, i feel as though God set me on a merry-go-round (the old-school kind that are now outlawed for being too much fun) and spun me round and round and round. sometimes it was fun, sometimes i wanted to throw up. even if i felt like i was moving a million miles per hour, i knew his hands were always on the bars. guiding them.

now (as in the past fifteen minutes) he has brought the whirling base to a sudden stop, lifted me off, pointed me towards pine cove, and gave me a little nudge to get started. it might be a dizzy walk there, but there i will be. and i couldn't be more excited.

and nervous. and humbled. completely humbled.

i take that dizzy walk to flint, tx early tomorrow morning. i should be there for twelve weeks, serving as a girl's senior counselor.


whoa...senior counselor? me? really?

prayers are extremely appreciated. seriously. they are needed!

mail is great too. 

expect weekend updates all about PC2010.

love to everyone. have a sunshiney summer!

an earthy day

This year, the end of a crazy week and Earth Day coincided which called for some down time spent celebrating relationships and the world we live them in.


Traveled via motorcycle all afternoon and evening.

Embraced our inner 2nd grade art student at Whole Foods. I tried to be interpretive. Slight fail.

Perused World Market before buying a super cool Chinese soda.

Moved an outdoor picnic indoors due to unhappy weather.

 Watched Disney Oceans. So cool. God is so creative.

Seems like there were many more happenings including these. All surrounded by cruising and laughing.

How did you celebrate Earth Day?

soaking it up

School, school, Mexico planning, school, Mexico planning, school, school, traveling to Mexico, school, leadership training at Pine Cove, school, school, school, finals, a few days with the fam, Pine Cove for the summer, school, school...

Spring 2010 has definitely been a semester unlike any other. To my dismay, it has seemed to be more about getting done what has to get done and less about taking time to do things that I really enjoy. Some of the most important relationships in my life seem to have taken a slight hit this semester. I say that with the deepest regret. Every time I want to make a phone call, invite someone to lunch, pick up a magazine or try a new craft project, I stop and listen to the pile of school work that is screaming at me. It's telling me to focus on it first. Worry about everything else later. Never before have I listened to it. Looks like this semester it has finally caught my attention. Though this has been the most trying semester of my college career, the Lord has provided me with breaks that saved my sanity, supernatural rest, and unexplainable joy. 

There are lots of happenings that I would like to take time to process, to spill about, to realize what I learned and to live differently because I experienced them. Even though there is not time for the first three, the Lord has graciously molded me regardless. He has packed my semester with lessons. And though I feel like they are all swarming above my head, and I can't seem to catch them all at the same time, the Lord is still working good through me. As always, I know when anything good passes through my mind or bounces off my tounge, it is only the Lord letting me be a part of His perfect plan. Praise Him for His thoroughness. His eternally long plan is as detailed as to what words I speak every day. All I can say about that is...COOL!

So, in the past month I have been...

...to Mexico and back. It was incredible. The Lord did WORK. There was no doubt that all 113 of us were supposed to be there that week. I, once again, fell in love with the Mexican people and my wonderful teammates. God also, with His wonderful sense of humor, brought my wonderful Chinese friend, Wen, from China to the Louisiana to Mexico to pour out His grace on her for her salvation. It was one of the most incredible things I have ever witnessed.

Check out Wen's story here

...missing my best friends from home terribly. Longing to do day to day life with them while knowing that it won't be until August that I will see them all again. Knowing that this will be our first year without a summer roadtrip. Knowing that in less than a year we will all be done with college and moving to places only the Lord knows. I know God is sovereign over our relationship, but right now it just hurts. But, we have survived this long. And continue to survive we will!

...to Leadership weekend at Pine Cove. The fact that I will be serving as a senior counselor at the Shores this summer has finally sunk in. There was so much joy in the midst of a reunion with fellow staffers that I haven't seen in nine months. What a crazy summer it will be! I am greatly anticipating the Lord's work through us as a team.

...distantly dealing with aging grandparents. I am blessed with four living grandparents. This has been an extremely special part of my life and also a cause of a deep fear of losing one of them. It seems lately that there has been health issue after health issue. And, right before Mexico, Papaw Mc seemed to take a turn for the worse. I'm fighting off the guilt of being away from home and just complete sadness with a lot of prayer. My parents have been such troopers. They are a wonderful example of children honoring their parents. They never show their exhaustion because of their desire for their parents to live a comfortable life in their old age. Please pray for my sweet grandparents.

...trying to have a little fun in between all the craziness. Even when life is insane, the Lord provides such joy through friends, family, my awesome family group and his creation.

Feels good to be semi-caught up with the blogging world. It's kind of this problematic fixation I have. Now...back to studying.

The king's heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord;
he turns it wherever he will. Proverbs 21:1