My rational thoughts try to creep around my overbearing emotional side and tell me that it's fine, most people do this at this age...and most people live through it.
And then, eventually, I get over myself and realize that it is an exciting time and that the Lord is most likely trying to teach me something during this big milestone. You know, because he's the teacher's Teacher and everything.
The desire that the Lord has been growing in me is that I don't want to waste my life. I've always tried to wrap my mind around the fact that this life really is a vapor, a mist. And I want to live like it! "How?" was the question.
The Lord has given me incredible friends and examples in Ben and Shauna Pilgreen. He recently blessed us with a reunion! They have recently, by God's incredible grace and provision, moved to San Francisco and planted a church called Epic. When I said goodbye to them after a quick visit in Ruston last January, I had no expectation of seeing them this soon. Who would have thought they would be in Baton Rouge for a speaking engagement in October?!
In early high school, Ben was my youth pastor and Shauna led my small group Bible study. My parents consider them their children. Ben made fun of my freshmen homecoming date's unfortunate looking tie (it had mallard ducks on it...hello North Louisiana). They came to my surprise sweet sixteen. I almost went to BAMA because of them. Crazy. Let's just say, they mean a lot to me. Whether through their words or their life, they have always taught me lessons that speak right to my heart.
Ben and Shauna aren't wasting their lives. They moved their family to San Francisco. It's not always comfortable, but it's worth it. And they truely are living it up!
Dustin and I got to hear Ben preach while they were in Baton Rouge. There are a few things he asked that we are continuing to ask ourselves:
God is going to build His church no matter what. Will we be a part of it?
How would we act if we had no fear? Because talking about acting isn't going to accomplish anything.
Have we set up a comfortable life where God doesn't have to act and faith is unnecessary?
If I removed God from my everyday life, how much would it change?
How can we trust God with our FOREVER when we can't trust Him with our next 20, 30, 60 years?
Does God have to act in order for your dreams that will make an eternal difference to come true? If not, they are too small.
Do we believe that God will supercede for us?
Will people be thankful for our acts of faith?
We share their fear of looking back at our whole life and saying, "we didn't go for it." We want to fear that more than discomfort. We know we're not called to the American Dream.
Life currently consists of asking what that will look like, asking Him to go before and prepare, and looking for ways to live this now. Every day.
With big changes coming up, I am thankful for God's sovereignty. I know that He always gets what He wants, and I want my life to be an efficient tool for that. I am thankful for God's power. As I think on it, it motivates me to live differently. I pray that He continues to unite my heart with His. And He will.
Now I've got to stop only wanting and add the doing.
By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going. By faith he went to live in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, living in tents with Isaac and Jacob, heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God.