Let me preface this by saying I apologize for the length. But I hope you are blessed. And maybe you have a similar journey to satisfaction:
Please excuse my absence. Let's blame it on two things. First, the fact that I've been all pitiful and sickly with some of the cold and sinus business. Don't worry, a nice shot in the hind parts from a male nurse [EMBARRASSING] and a hot pink horse pill is seeming to do the trick. Secondly, D has had a tiny bit more free time this week, and we've been taking advantage of that while wallowing in our shared sickness.
We've done things like...
-Celebrated our two year dating anniversary [I celebrate everything, OK?] with some good Italian food. I was a little peeved on the way because it was November and hot outside. So D cranked up the air conditioning and blared some of 96.1's Christmas tunes. I was gladly shivering by the time we got home.
-Went to Sam's for a bottle of wine [classy, I know] and spent an extra hour in the Christmas section. Excited. Doesn't. Cover. It.
-Worked our plastic gloves and stick-on name tags while working the dessert table at CrossPoint's Thanksgiving celebration on Wednesday night. Wonderful fellowship with our wonderful church family. And I baked my first lattice-topped apple pie from scratch. Easy peasy. Here's my crummy phone photo which was taken in the car on my lap on the way to church:
-For our exciting Friday night, we fed this sickness with breakfast for dinner and three hours of Lord of the Rings. D's a big fan, and I had never seen them. They weren't too bad. Not my normal Steel Magnolias/Pride and Prejudice/Mona Lisa Smile style. I think I finally got all of their names right by the end.
-I did wear some of my new red lipstick for our little at-home date night. Meaning half of the movie was spent telling myself that I can indeed wear it without looking like a clown. I am a reproduction of my grandmother, and she rocks it at almost 90. I think I can. I think I can. I think...
For this semester, that is a pretty incredible list for us. Many weeks, there is not a moment of free time in my poor hubs' schedule. Amidst the sweetness of newlywed life, there have been difficulties. Difficulties for our good. Difficulties whose presence are becoming more and more obvious.
This is a lesson the Lord has taught me in several different situations. It concerns satisfaction. Maybe, next time, I'll use some God-given wisdom and head this one off beforehand. Throughout my teenage and adult life, the Lord has shown me over and over again that true and full satisfaction can absolutely only be found in walking daily with Him. My first thought when I type this is an overwhelming thankfulness for the fact that He even allows this closeness of relationship. What a gracious and loving God. While I strive for this, I let many of the Lord's blessing take up some of that satisfying space that He deserves all of. Story of my life. From family, to friends, to abilities - I'm familiar with this slow learning process. And, of course, I'm learning again with this new life-addition: a husband.
The difficulty lies in the fact that D's love and selflessness and service and attention is incredibly satisfying. And I thank the Lord for a husband with those qualities. But then he has to work until eleven at night or fly to different states for job interviews or stay on campus to work with his senior project group. Then the one, who I'm receiving a portion of satisfaction from, is absent. This is in no way blame to D. I'm continually amazed at his attitude and stamina and ability to find time to be an great partner with a jam-packed schedule. But he is not called or expected to be the primary source of this in my life. We really are two sinners who have said, "I do." And when we talk about this little issue of mine, he points me to an all-sufficient God.
So that's the big-ticket item the Lord is kneading into my heart and mind. At the end of this lesson-journey, there is sweet and urgent satisfaction. Sweet because of a more intimate walk with the Lord and a step towards looking more like Him in life and in relationships. Urgent because this life is fleeting, and the only reason I have this available satisfaction is because of Jesus' supreme and atoning sacrifice. How I wish to not waste a day of that ultimate blessing and for the Lord to receive the glory that He deserves.
Here are a few of many verses to which I can cling:
Whom do I have in heaven but you? I desire no one but you on earth. My flesh and my heart may grow weak, but God always protects my heart and gives me stability. Psalm 73:25
Blessed is the one you choose and bring near, to dwell in your courts! We shall be satisfied with the goodness of your house, the holiness of your temple! Psalm 65:4
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. Matthew 5:6
Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:11-13
Thanks for walking through that with me.